We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drunk is not a location!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
