OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
