sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need to calm my uterus...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize