i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
