Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
