I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
