My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
