I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
