I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
