I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
