Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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