She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
