I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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