my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
