bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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