you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
