....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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