1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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