Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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