i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
