Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Mom said you looked used
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
