It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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