Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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