At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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