Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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