OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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