I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
