I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
