I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
