We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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