I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
