I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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