Your face is a jimmy john
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
