dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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