not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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