the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
