Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
