Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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