I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
