I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
