Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
