My pussy is not your playground.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
