Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
