we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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