I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
