splinters make it hard to masturbate
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
