Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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