Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
