Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
