and you said cock pushups were impossible
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
