In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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