she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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