i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You've changed since you got that strap on
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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