$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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