I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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